my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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