So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Life is so much better after having sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
