I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
