Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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