I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
