need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
