Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
