I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
