operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
