did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
