I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
