so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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