can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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