You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
