For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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