no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize