Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
