Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wear drunk well.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
