I hate your face
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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