I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
