Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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