so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
