He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize