She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
