while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
