Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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