I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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