He felt like a one man threesome
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
