I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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