Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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