what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love having hate sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
