I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
