Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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