I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
