I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
