I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
