she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
