I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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