Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
