You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
