Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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