I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
