I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
