just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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