woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
