YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
