hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my poor anus
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
