he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
