I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
