She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hippo gnu deer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
