woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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