I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
