my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
