You really coming over, don't trick.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
