Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you traded sex for a burrito?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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