im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
