Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize