Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
