Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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