I molested 6 butterflies tonight
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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