FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize